i have been learning, going through self realizations and all of the resulting changes in my life and the way i see and interact with the world for many years now, i would say things started to get crazy perhaps 7 years.
I have been through so many periods of learning, understanding, great clarification and great new understandings.
Read many books, took some intense meditation retreats (Goenka meditation, but the second retreat i was doing something closer to a Mahasi style i believe.)
So many things, experiences that changes everything, paradigm shifts etc... i don't feel i can even start to list them all, perhaps i'll get to that later.
But now i find myself lost.
My knowledge seems very stable and strong, i don't find any area that seem to need any clarifications.
If i did have clear questions about how things work, this would be what i would try to do, answer those questions. but i don't have the questions so i don't know what to do.
I also find that my experience doesn't align with any of the maps that i know of.
actually i only know of one map and it's the vipassana map explained by Daniel ingram in his book "Mastering the core teaching of the Buddha."
I would love to have someone i trust just tell me something like "Alright, i get where you are, do this practice and realize this very specific thing. Once you're done, i'll let you know what to do next.
but there is noone like this for me.
This will be my journal to try to find my way out of this.
I begin this journey by reading a e-book from someone who claimed to have finished the journey and took the time to try to explain it to everyone.
http://awakeningtoreality.blogspot.com/2010/12/my-e-booke-journal.html
I don't have any hope, it just seem to be a decent place to start with many suggestions for material to read and should get me started.
I believe a lack in technical knowledge is currently my downfall so i should try to rectify this and turn a weakness into a strenght.
starting to read :)
